"I give it a reassuring tap, triggering the bicycle horn. It doesn’t fucking stop honking. I’ve somehow bent the razor-thin mechanism that makes it stop.

It never, ever stops."

Don't Laugh

"Briefly, you ask God to just fucking kill you."

Destroyed By Hippie Powers

"At a pizza place in East Cobb, my dad remarks that I don't walk with a limp anymore. It's the first time I've noticed it myself."

Remission / Thaw

"It was really obvious. I overheard several beautiful women talking about it in the line for the bathroom."

New Study Finds that Everyone at That Party Really Did Hate You

"Hey, I know this one," I tell her. "I really, really like this one."

If San Antonio is My Final Resting Place, Just Kick Me Over the County Line

"twisted, broken, unwhole, rough-chopped whiting on the hook, till you smashed me to bits and buried me there"

Churned

(are you in a headspace to receive news that might hurt you?)

weird lookin dog you got there

"I’m powerless to move as my pursuer catches up and hits the brakes just before he bowls me over. He reaches out a hand to steady himself against my arm. “Ma’am, excuse me,” he says breathlessly, wiping sweat from his brow, “is this your pussy?”"

I Airdropped My Pussy to Everyone in This Airport

"Hello from the moderation team at r/CDLDumpTrucks. While we appreciate your interest in becoming a verified member of this subreddit, we are sorry to say that we cannot approve your application."

V N Garmon

Selected work